Trying so hard

Not to go back to Facebook. I am surprised how much I just want to scroll down meaningless babble of everyone’s alter egos to see what they ate today, how their colonoscopy went, etc. 

I guess I really was addicted, coz right now I am fighting the urge to go back on, so I downloaded this program that blocks facebook and other social networking sites (of my choice) 

I am still feeling guilty about the not having any money for Dom, its not something I can fix straight away, not at least until my fines are payed which will take another month or so, it was only 200 dollars. I know I would be pissed if it were me wanting money back from him. 

On another note I have so far gone to the gym almost every day, apart from once when I didn’t have any petrol in the car to get there and its a good hours walk to get there. I really hope I can commit to losing this 20kg, it would be such an accomplishment for my personal goals. I requested an enrollment pack for a Bachelor of Nursing degree at EIT, god I hope I get it, I think there are openings for July.

As I ramble on about the goings on of my life at present, I do wonder where I will be in the next couple years *trails off into deep thought* I have to be rich regardless.

Feeling better today

Because my Mum brought me tickets to go see System of a Down live!

This is my teenage years right here, listening to SOAD before going to sleep, getting on the piss, playing them while having a bong, playing them when I was happy, sad, alone, all the  time, I even named my dog Serj <3

I am just so bloody excited, I think this will be one of the greatest nights of my life, but not THEE greatest night  of my life (meeting Riley for the first time)

Ok so last night and this morning I had been feeling very low and upset, but this has made me feel so much better, thanks Mum, you rock my gym socks (which need a wash)

:)

Money.

I seem to only write on here to vent, which is healthy I guess.

Ok, so I broke up with Dom abruptly last November because I wasn’t on the same page as him. I felt bad for hurting him and leaving him like that but it couldn’t go on any longer. He is and was a sweet guy, but you can’t just make yourself love someone when you don’t.

Anyways, this is the shit thing that is eating me up with guilt since  leaving him.

Lets just say Dom was very trusting and caring and I may have taken advantage of that without even realsing. Really, at the time I felt great that someone was spending money on me and letting me use their credit card! but it all too soon turned to utter shit when the card ticked over 1000 dollars.

The majority of it was plane tickets, because he lived in Christchurch. Others expenses were taking me out to dinner, lingere, etc.

So I did start paying him back weekly after we had split, but once xmas hit I was right out of cash, and then the courts started taking money out for fines, and all of a sudden I was strapped for cash. I may be making excuses, I dunno, but man I feel like shit, I don’t want to be a bad person, its just not me!

I promised him I would pay him back, I still am keeping that promise, but I honestly don’t have that sort of money, ok its not quite 1000 left that needs paying since I did pay some of it back, but its still a lot.  

Fuck, I just feel shit right now, puts you on a downer. If it were the other way around I would be guttered as. At least I learned my lesson not to let guys spend money on me like that