Parenting

This is kind of spur of the moment but I feel I have to try show the Dads that fall in this category what it feels like when we are continuously arguing!

So, you probably already know there is a high rate of teenage births in New Zealand, and I have a lot of solo mum friends, as well as mothers still with their partners, but the main point I want to get across is that fathers who are not with the mother - give her a break!

Naturally I am speaking from my own experience, as I just wanted to point out Riley’s dad is always on my case every couple months about some issue, and I know its like that for a lot of my friends.

GUYS! picture this if you will;

We are scared at the start, finding out we are pregnant, you wont support us because you feel you are not obliged, this is very frightening! I remember feeling let down by Luke, through all the hormones and lonliness I did want him there to support me, but he didn’t.

As months passed I knew I could do this alone, I grew the confidence and knew what I was getting into, and I did it because I knew this baby better than anyone else in the world, and I loved him, and I knew he would love me back.

For Luke to txt, call, email and say he wanted to have something to do with my son had me feeling hopeful that things would be better than expected, but his words were as good as nothing at all, and when he said he was coming up to meet Riley and beg me to move back to christchurch, I felt so outraged! I had brought all Rileys things (and had some given to me) I had carried this baby with the intention of doing it on my own, and now he felt he could waltz in and play happy families?!

I would be as civil as I could, because I know a father has every right to meet their son. So when Luke met Riley it was for only half an hour, thats when my patience ran flat - he refused to sign the birth certificate because he demanded Riley have his last name, which felt like he was taking the mickey out of me in all honesty! I had done all the hard yards, pushed him out, gone through agonizing pain and then here was Luke acting like the most spoiled child I had ever seen. Having feeling so emotional I told him to leave.

..

Riley is now almost 16 months old and I still cop so much crap! I could write so much more in here, but I can tell you someone that reads this will have something to say in defense.

The main thing that gets me - and a lot of mums, is that they feel they can just walk into our childrens lives without acknowledging that we truly have left our other lives behind, we gave up so much, we were up all night when they had a tummy bug, we were around while they screamed all night, we knew when they had to have tea time, we knew how to settle them. Not to mention the slander that comes from these dads, the accusations and constant verbal abuse for no apparent reason. One of the main things they try to catch you out on is when you go out, all of a sudden, its “who’s watching the baby? are you drunk! what the fuck!” I almost feel like leaving a snide sarcastic comment, but I hold my tongue. 

For Luke to abuse me for whatever reason fancies him, I ought to let you readers know - it is not easy, I am a civil person and I know it takes 2 to tango, but I know I am doing the best I can, and that is enough. What we do with our children is up to us and for a man to just walk in and say he has rights to take the child whenever he pleases, its not ok. It is us mothers choice until that child is old enough.

We will give you the chance when you prove to us that you can step up and be responsible.

If we were bad mothers our babies would be with someone else, so give us a break!